Add to the list ankle-biters, nose-pickers, & rug-rats

DW

 

A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

 

This is my Morning smile.... (see attached photo) :P

 

 

A midget ran away from a Prague circus and arrived at a farmhouse looking for shelter. "Can you cache a small Czech?" he asked.

 

What does a fish say when it swims into a cement wall: Dam!

 

Why do gorillas have such large nostrils?

 

Have you seen their fingers?

 

Speaking of Texas, this vertically challenged man decided he had to go see Texas where everything is supposed to be bigger than anywhere else. He no sooner crossed over the state line when saw a sign for a bar. He stopped, walked inside and found himself in one of the biggest rooms he had ever seen. He almost could not see the bar it was so far away. He walked and walked, finally reaching the bar. The bar stool was so heavy he couldn't move it and so tall he couldn't get in it. This huge man came over and said "howdy pardner, can I help you up there". The little man said "I would be grateful" and the big man gently lifted him up into the stool.
The bar tender asked "what can I get for ya there, pardner." "Give me a beer, the little man said." The bartender set the biggest jug of beer in front of him he had ever seen. He stood up on the stool, asked for a straw because he couldn't lift the glass, and proceeded to down the whole beer. "Wow there pardner, you need another one" said the bartender and said "this one is on me" whereupon he set another huge beer in front of the little man. He proceeded to down that whole beer.
By this time mother nature was calling so he asked where the john was. "Take a walk down that hall to the third door on your left." The little guy started down the hall and walked and walked and walked and walked - - it was getting desperate but the hall would not end. Finally he reached what he thought was the third door, went in and promptly fell in the swimming pool.
The most awful screaming and hollering was heard back in the bar so the bartender went running down the hall to see what happened to the little man. As he opened the door he heard the little guy screaming "please, oh please - - please don't flush it."

 

Recently, smugglers threw tons of pot overboard to avoid being apprehended. The weed drifted to shore where it was immediately eaten by gulls, kittiwakes and other sea birds. It has been reported that by the end of the week there wasn't a tern unstoned.

 

Fred, Bert, and Ralph went golfing one day. Everything was going fine, when on the 17th hole, Ralph hit a huge slice into a cow pasture. Ralph told his two friends to go on and play through while he went in search of his favorite golf ball. Fred and Bert finished the round, and went to the lounge in the clubhouse to wait for Ralph. Finally, Ralph staggered into the lounge. "What happened to you?" said Bert. "We've been waiting an hour!"

In a very raspy voice, Ralph said, "Well, I went into the cow pasture and began looking for my golf ball. There was also a woman out there looking too, but neither one of us had any luck. Finally, I saw a cow who was acting funny. I walked over to it, and, lo and behold, there was a golf ball stuck in her butt. I looked and it wasn't mine, so I picked up the tail and said, 'Hey, lady, does this look like yours?' That's when she hit me in the throat with a nine iron!"

;D DeWain

 

I met my buddy, Jim, last Monday morning to play golf. He had two beautiful shiners - - wow they were awful. I asked him how in the world did he get those two black eyes.
Well, seems that a very large lady sat in front of him last Sunday morning in church. She was VERY large. When everyone stood to pray, her dress was caught in her - - well, you know, it had a big pleat in the middle. It was very embarrassing for everyone around and they were giggling. When everyone had their eyes shut, Jim reached forward and gave the dress a yank - - and with great success he added. Well, that lady reached back and socked him a beauty in the right eye.
OK, Jim, I can understand the one black eye, but how about the other one.
Well, let me tell you man, that hurt. It seems Jim meditated on that and considered her reaction. She must have really been ticked about him pulling that dress out, so Jim reached forward with the edge of his hand and put it back. :P :'( Hence - - - - well, you get the idea.

 

thats just not right :- DM01

 

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
Ann Landers

 

[quote author=Mexstan link=board=10;threadid=17471;start=60#msg201876 date=1067225507]
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
Ann Landers

[/quote]

Now THAT'S just not right......