purduepurdy

I totally feel your pain and confusion. I honestly think you two should have a heart to heart and just give her some space. I am not saying give up on her, but she has to realize your dilema.

I usually do not respond to posts like this, but I had a very close girlfriend and distance is what ended it also. I honestly saw it coming, but for some reason I was blinded by my own love for her. What helped me was friends and family. Get out, meet new people, get to church, and play with the truck. You sound like a good person and deserve the best. Just remember we are all here for ya.

jamesbfishin

I would never ever start seeing someone else until this relationship has some closure. I am a very easy going person, but when it comes to 2 timing, I have no patience. Been cheated on once and vowed to never put anyone through that kind of shock and hurt through my wrong doing. Never done it, and never will.....

Jeff in TD

I wouldn't even consider seeing someone until you know where this relationship stands. It's just not fair to the current girl, or whoever you might meet.

I still say an honest conversation is the best bet. Just tell her you've noticed she doesn't seem to have time for you and seems to be distant, and you want to hear her honest thoughts about the relationship and future...

Again, keep it brief and don't come off needy, but also don't come across in a confrontational way. If she's been wanting out of the relationship but afraid to hurt your feelings, you want her to be comfortable to say so.

If those are her feelings, it's better for both of you if you both know.

On the other hand, maybe she really is busy and emotionally involved in school, and the rock climbing thing is something she can do with a spare hour or two... where if you come to visit it takes a whole day...

Either way, I think you both need to be telling each other what you are thinking...

kipper79

You seem to be guided toward a good path, time will only tell now.

jamesbfishin

Just got done washing the truck. For some reason washing my toys, truck, boat etc seems theraputic for me. Been giving it alotta thought, and I'm just going to hold out for a little longer, I backed off a few weeks ago to let her do her thing and I'll keep that course.

The motor on my boat is going to be repaired at the cost of the factory and that should be back in the water by next week. The weather has become consistantly warmer and I'm going to jump on my mt bike and hit the trails after work (since I can't snowboard anymore).... My dog loves me to no end and although he's 12, there is still some puppy left in him. Soon he'll be swimming in the bay and getting me soaked at the same time, he excels at that. Life is good, can it be better, by all means yes. But I'm still looking at the green side of the grass...it's good to be alive.


Hoping for the best, already prepared for the worst.

Thanks folks.

Jeff in TD

Heck, if washing trucks and toys makes you feel better, it's too bad you don't live closer...

My 5th wheel is a mess...

jamesbfishin

Nice try

I should elaborate...

Washing my toys is soothing, washing toys for others is profitable

Timmay2

The only thing you have fact on is this:

Shed rather be doing things with him than you. Plain as can be, and dont let her words fool you. Her actions have told you shed rather spend her time with another man.

Whether or not shes doing other things or not, who cares. She has no time for you but has time for other guys, friends or not.

Tell her nicely that you had a great time together and wish her the best in the future, then change your number and grow your hair.

Shanajustin

I couldn't help but post to this, it's been done to me too. I'm glad you are preparing for the worst, it sure blindsided me....

She's already checked out dude.

tx_2500

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEXACTLY! Almost sounds like a carbon copy of what I experienced a few years ago. Always had a great time, never really fought, awesome relationship for almost 4 years. Then she went to school, got into a new circle of friends. Things went ok for a few months but all of the sudden she became more and more distant. There were other guys in her group but they were all in commited relationships/married/engaged and I was told not to worry. That IMO is a facade, a smoke screen. I understand busy...and I find it a little hard to believe when people tell their SO that they are "just too busy, Ill make time for you later". It all just dwindled down, communication got more and more lax, claims of "just need my space" were soon to come. Not answering calls, suddenly hanging up, "ill call you" all after years of never missing a single call. After it was all said and done, I found out years later that she had been with at least 3 other guys while we were still together, and 2 ended up as relationships. All of these I had been informed (before) were the ones who were already comitted to someone else. So much for that.

She obviously has more than just school work clouding her mind...there is another man. And the only purpose you serve right now is a saftey net to fall into incase rock climbing boy drops her. I too served as the saftey net for months and can spot that from a mile away now. She wont come clean about her feelings because if that happened you would for sure move on and thats not what she wants. "Im just really busy right now" is the stroke of doom in situations like these. Its just a filler to buy her time and keep you at bay while she goes out and has her fun at YOUR expense. Being "busy" is the single most used phrase to get out of something..anything...without comming out and behing honest saying "I dont want to". Experience is one helluva teacher!

I say run! have more respect for yourself than that, you dont deserve to wait around while she runs around trying to decide what she wants today like a little teenager. I realize thats easier said than done, but trying to "fix things" isnt in the picture here because there is nothing that needs fixing, and there is certaily nothing that needs fixing with you, dont ever let her make you feel like its something you did.

rip 112

Well, I can sure relate to you!!! I know its been so hard to get an understanding, an explanation, even an excuse from her that makes sense. The only thing i can say is that no matter how hard you try, she has to want to see you and want to have you. If she is in any sort of confusion about that, there are definitely other things on her mind. To me, the main thing that gets me thinking and rollin is if she did it just to get rid of you or if she is really confused. When you have all those new influences and new experiences, her advice is gonna come from new friends that don't know or care about you and will say anything to befriend her. All I can say is i hope you have plenty to do, people to see, and a whole bunch of patience.

tx_2500

As "Tough Love" as this sounds, you dont really have alot of sway on that. It takes 2 to be in a relationship and your kinda the one "at the mercy" on this one. She can walk out (and probably soon will) any time she wants and you cant really do anything about it. If you were thinking about breaking it off then yeah, youd be holding all the cards, but your not. I say take the cards back and end things. Dont give your power to her...dont let her hold YOUR heart in her hand only to crush it because she will. Even after 2 years and all the "I love you's" she has proven that she will manipulate you and use your feelings against you to make you dance like a puppet on a string. Take back that power and stop giving it away.

Right now is the defining moment where you can either choose to stand up, take back your power, and walk out of the relationship standing tall. Or, you can choose the second option and grovel down for her approval, lie to yourself about whats REALLY going on, and allow yourself to remain her saftey net for months or even years. Having taken the latter route myself, I strongly encourage door #1.

You survived before she came along and you will survive afterwards. If you dont think she knows EXACTLY what shes doing...your mistaken. Never make anyone or anything the center of your universe, because when it goes away (and it will) yous standing there with your world crushed and you get to start all over again.

jumper

This is why people get married rather than shack up. It builds a commitment. She's out of sight and living the moment, both school-wise and other-wise and its just plain HARD to keep the long distance part fresh and at the forefront with all else that's going on. Its perfectly understandable, but not necessarily fatal.

On the other hand, she's got a several year commitment to this Ph.d. Do you have that same commitment to it, without some certainty? You're 35 and its time to build a life, Jack. If you were 20 it might be different and you wait it out. (I did at that age, and very successfully I might add, but it was only a year too).

But, you guys need to get your intentions out in the open. If she's the "one," its either move down there, marry her, and help her through the program as a life-partner, or otherwise, relish the good times past and move on and find the right "one." Maybe it'll even be her several years hence. That's not "needy," that's reality.

berner

Very well said. Don't play games with her. Good relationships are based on honesty and trust. Tell her exactly how you feel and leave the ball in her court. She either feels the same way or doesn't. If she does, thats fantastic. If she doesn't, hold your head up and move on. Don't wait too long though. You're starting to lose trust in her. Once you lose trust it's darn hard to get it back.

Rednecktastic

Hold one sec I just saw this.... She's 30? She isn't married? I didn't catch if whether or not you asked but most women getting to that age wanna get married.


Ever wonder if she's lost faith in you?