chipmonk

then maybe you should let things be for a while. let her be the one who calls you, don't be the one who has to make sure that 'i love you' is said, when the phone conversation ends, and have her make the suggestion that you guys see each other. after 2 years, she should know how you feel about her, and you shouldn't have to be proving your feelings all over again, so if she still feels the same way about you, you should know pretty quick, as she will make sure to call you and let you know. if you hold off calling, and she doesn't call you to find out why, you know where it stands.

jamesbfishin

We had a conversation a few weeks ago and without going into the whole phone call, it was basicly agreed that she will call me when she "has time". It amounts to maybe a call every 4 days or so. I don't call her anymore because I usually get her voicemail, so she calls when it's good for her. I send a TXT message every now and then just to say good morning and such but thats it.

My biggest concern is the whole what she says and what she does thing. And it goes something like this....

"When can I see you again, I'll drive down, we can make dinner, and then maybe go for a hike the next day, and then I'll head back home?"

"I don't think I really have the time for that, I have way too much studying to do and I have an exam on Monday." Blah Blah about some other things..."So I might be going climbing on Saturday, It should be a nice day and I can't wait"

No time? Really?

vzdude

Try to offer to go climbing with her and this other guy. Try to observe the body language of both during the day, and then maybe talk about it over dinner that evening. That's what I'd do at least. just be a fly on the wall during the day and not be confrontational in front of him.....it could only drive her to him if things do go bad.

My theory has always been....if you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it! LOL

chipmonk

i think you need to read your last post, and honestly ask yourself if it seems like, at this point in time, you guys feel the same way about each other.

jamesbfishin

Back when I was in highschool we had to put a quote under our yearbook photos, a friend of mine left that same quote under his, too funny.

The hint at wanting to go climbing with her has been made. The thought of another guy has crossed my mind too, and thats wht I'm trying to work out of her through conversation when we do talk (shes not a good liar). I even went as far as telling her that this guy is into her, but she says no. I will try and ask the same question again but reversed to see if she likes him....

Going climbing with the 2 of them would be great, I could see first hand whats going on, getting her to "have enough time" so I could go down is the issue. Just popping in from out of the blue would end badly I think.

jamesbfishin

Been trying to get her to come clean with her feelings, "I'm just really busy right now" is the answer I get, or something similar....

Justin26

You need to lay it on the line and let her know how you feel about her. It is too hard to just wait and see how it goes. Your feelings are too involved and u need to know the truth. Maybe you should suggest ending it just to see how she reacts. I am not good at this but you just need to get her to air out her feelings so u can get an idea of where she stands. Good luck and let me know how it turns out.

Justin

jamesbfishin

Dunno when, but I think I know where this will end up. I'm by no means giving up without a good try, I was never one to just throw in the towel. Just take a look at the threads posted about my search for wheels.

Like I said in an earlier post, I always knew when I wasn't wanted anymore and had a good reading on past relationships. This one, I'm not so sure, gut is telling me it might be over, heart says there is still hope and that she really is just too busy...

I want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all that responded to this thread, never gone searchin on a forum for relationship advise. But it seems like for the most part, there is a sense of friendship here on DTR even beyond the fact that we all drive a Dodge CTD, and that is why I posted this thread, to try and get a feel for what someone on the outside looking in might see. My family is just as mystified by her actions as of late and I think it's really getting to my mother (my mother adores Lorraine and she was really hoping for grandkids). There are some great suggestions here that I will utilize to figure out where my future might be going.........

Thanks again to all, it's 10:53pm and past my bedtime.

CowboyDave

Well this is one situation that havent really been in, except for one part. The other guy part, I simply removed a hunk of rock and platnum off her finger and ended it. She came back and chilled out and still as fas as I know to this day says "Nothing happened between us." We were together for a few more years before we went our separate ways. I have said why I did in other post.

I would talk to her and let her know that the fact you CANT come see her but then go off with "the guy that likes Renee" is really bothering you. Heck it bothers me to read that she is pulling that BS with you. She doesnt have to lie if she is getting away with the I dont have time for you, but guess what Im going on a weekend of climbing and MT biking. I call BS and I hope Im wrong.

Just remember if you just show up there most likely she will be POed with you for showing up even though you are in in the right. Honestly when she pulls the "I dont have time, OH guess what" crud tell her, how bout you and me talk or have lunch. You know what I mean? Seems like you let her off the hook to easily.
Im not sure if my info is good or bad for yall, just a IMO. I hope everything turns out great for both of you.

Justwannabeme

if you do boats and are from Jersey; you're a catch anyways so....

you got a lot of good advice on the money for the most part-

new times/experiences bring on changes. not to be rude but is there a change in tone like she might think she is better than you/deserves better now with the type of education she's in?

women always examine everything if favor of see what comes first, go back later. Please don't wait for her to figure out how good a guy you are.
No one deserves default .....

have done divorce, custody and law officer relationship counselling to hear what folks say from the heart. if she doesn't wan't to see ya face to face-
that is a message of ( I'm having too much fun now flirting ) insert message of your choice. doing the right thing means Being true to yourself
time to get 'too busy' yourself, my man!

very old new york woman

Redleg

Never been in a fight? Gives the impression she's unconfrontational? Your suspicions are probablty pretty close. Give her distance and you'll know when she doesn't call to check in. If she does call on her own and shows intrest again, all the better, but sounds like maybe not.

ian515

I had a girlfriend like that once, she went to school in NY while I was still in AK...got the same messege from her about being too busy to see her and blah blah blah...when I finally got to visit, flew all the way there (10 hour flight for me, plus a 2 hour drive to her school) she dumped me (she already had another boyfriend there). I was kinda bummed that I just dropped 500 bucks on a ticket, when I could have spent that on lift tickets at the local ski resort.

anyway, point being, sometimes the distance, the new experiences, and the monotony of an exsiting long term relationship can all lead to one or the other looking for something new, and exciting.

sorry to say, but it sounds like thats what she is doing.

I hope that its not the case, and that she is up to her ears in homework (when not rock climbing of course) and that you will both end up happy and married, but if not, go fishin and forget about it.

good luck man!

Mt Ram

My opinion is that she likes you enough to keep you "on the hook" in case it all doesn't work out with the rock climbing partner. I would be blunt and tell her you think that is what she is doing. If she gets mad, there is your answer. Or maybe she will be more like, oh honey, that isn't it at all. But that's just the way I would handle it.

ecbrewer2224

man that sucks i went threw the same thing even though im a bit younger than you guys my girlfriend was very smart and went to collage for physical therapay i was 22 at the time and she was 20 everything was great before she left even seriously thought about not going untill i convenced her to go she would call me like 30 times a day the first month or two then it fizzled out she all the sudden had so much school work but always had time for her friends didnt make since to me you would think i would be the most important person in her life after being together for 4 years we had talked about getting married down the road and kids me being dumb went and got her name tattooed on my arm to prove my love then her face boy that was dumb but then i started playing her game i became to busy i let her always call me if she didnt say i love you at the end of the phone call then it wasnt said and that worked for me she started wondering where i was and who i was with needless to say now im 26 and shes 25 and were no longer together but hey ive always got tattoos to remind me of her god that sucks boy was i dumb thinking she would always be around i would say either stay playing hard to get with her by letting her call you and when she asks you what you done over the weekend tell her you and your buddies went to a bar or something or if you dont feel going that route if you know this is the girl you want forever ask her to marry you theres no reason to wait you can be engaged for years before getting married she doesnt have to be out of collage just do what you feel is right and good luck buddy hope it works out for you

D2 Cat

As an outsider with no emotion invested, she's probably just being nice (non-confrontational) because of her relationship with you AND your family. Hoping you get the message without her telling you verbally.

I'd call and try to set a time to do something she enjoys. When she comes back with a reason she can't at that time, I'd ask her, "What time works for you, then?" You'll get another "excuse" if she's wanting space. At this point I'd be more assertive. "Let's get together. I'll come down. Let's have dinner. I know your education is your primary interest and maybe I've been a nuance to you. Maybe I need to give you more space....lets discuss."

Something like this in your words. Just make a date, then make it REAL easy for her to tell you to be gone. If that's what she wants to happen you need to know, not mattering how much it hurts.

And if THAT happens....don't look back, plan the rest of your life and put it to action.