The true history of grits.
05-22-2013, 06:42 AM
#1
It's my pot and I'll stir it if I want to. If you're not careful, I'll stir your's as well!
Thread Starter
The true history of grits.
A friend of mine just sent this to me. My friends would never lead me astray, so figure these facts must be true and wanted to share them with all you DTRonians.
What Are Grits?
Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn.
These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
How Grits Are Formed:
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in the South, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for dinner and supper is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
Historical Grits:
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity.
The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy ..
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
How to Cook Grits:
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. [Use milk and they are creamier!)
Add 5 Tbsps. of Grits.
Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.
How to Eat Grits:
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore, for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverages to serve with Grits is black coffee. (DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk) Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's cream of wheat.
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
(Leftover grits are extremely rare)
Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
May the Lord bless these grits,
May no Yankee ever get the recipe,
May I eat grits every day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.
AMEN
What Are Grits?
Nobody knows. Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn.
These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as Grits can be made from corn. The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter, salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.
How Grits Are Formed:
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in the South, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for dinner and supper is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
Historical Grits:
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, Grits were not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their rarity.
The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy ..
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
How to Cook Grits:
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. [Use milk and they are creamier!)
Add 5 Tbsps. of Grits.
Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and biscuits.
How to Eat Grits:
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore, for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverages to serve with Grits is black coffee. (DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk) Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's cream of wheat.
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
(Leftover grits are extremely rare)
Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS
May the Lord bless these grits,
May no Yankee ever get the recipe,
May I eat grits every day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.
AMEN
05-22-2013, 03:38 PM
#2
Administrator
I don't care where grits came from, what they're made of, who discovered them, who eats them or whether or not God blesses them. They are NASTY! By far, they have to be the most vile and disgusting thing that anyone has ever eaten. Eggs may be a close second or even tie with them, but at least they taste like *something*. Grits have NO taste whatsoever unless all kinds of crud is added to them. If nothing is added, they're nothing more than wall paper paste with grains of sand. Anything that won't stand on its' own in the taste department should not be eaten in the first place, then add the fact that beach sand has the same feel in your mouth as grits. 
Did I mention that I don't like grits?
And just for the record, Cream of Wheat is the same thing as grits with less beach sand!
Did I mention that I don't like grits?
And just for the record, Cream of Wheat is the same thing as grits with less beach sand!
05-22-2013, 06:09 PM
#4
Advocate of getting the ban button used on him...
05-22-2013, 07:34 PM
#6
Advocate of getting the ban button used on him...
And real bacon bits mixed in too but that kind of goes without saying.
05-22-2013, 08:37 PM
#7
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The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy ..
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
AMEN
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy ..
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
AMEN
VIII. I dont allow margarine in the house... I recently allowed vegetable oil, but prefer lard.
And for the record, I haven't met anyone raised north of 36* north parallel that appreciates grits...
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05-23-2013, 05:59 PM
#9
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Having kinfolk from South Carolina, and living on the gulf coast, a nice add to grits besides a healthy heaping of udder grease is 30-50 count shrimpses.
I have been eating shrimp and grits with a little dash of Tabasco since I was knee high to a giraffe.
MMMMMM sounds like we's gonna have breakfast for dinner at my abode tonite.
Gary
I have been eating shrimp and grits with a little dash of Tabasco since I was knee high to a giraffe.
MMMMMM sounds like we's gonna have breakfast for dinner at my abode tonite.
Gary
05-23-2013, 09:32 PM
#13
Administrator
I notice that all youse guys that like grits are southerners. Well, except for Tim, and he's a Truckie. Everyone knows they're a little different anyway. But you southerners just remember; you lost the war too!
05-23-2013, 10:24 PM
#14
Sausage Aficionado (In training)
I would love to try grits some time and in fact a bunch of my coworkers in Houston have said they will take me for grits the next time I am in town. There is another southern delicacy I have avoided to date, but not because I think I won't like it, instead I think I will like it too much. I have never tried biscuits and sausage gravy when I am in the south. I am 99.9% sure I would really like biscuits and gravy, right up to the moment my heart stops 
DW and I really like polenta, which is made from yellow cornmeal, a bit of moisture (usually chicken broth) and parmesean. You mix it all up and heat until it is soft and thick. Pour into a cookie sheet and let cool. Then either fry it or cook on the grill for a bit. Often the Italians smother it in red sauce or sometimes just eat it plain. We have a huge can of hominy in the pantry we need to figure out how to use too. I bet I would really like good grits.
DW and I really like polenta, which is made from yellow cornmeal, a bit of moisture (usually chicken broth) and parmesean. You mix it all up and heat until it is soft and thick. Pour into a cookie sheet and let cool. Then either fry it or cook on the grill for a bit. Often the Italians smother it in red sauce or sometimes just eat it plain. We have a huge can of hominy in the pantry we need to figure out how to use too. I bet I would really like good grits.
05-24-2013, 08:29 AM
#15
Administrator
Luv my grits............... And don't get too cocky about the War, the next one you might just find yourself on the wrong side of, just about all the Manufacturing has fled to south of the line.
