Mexstan

A friend just sent the following. Hope some of you can enjoy it:<br> <br>These questions about Australia from various parts of <br>the world were posted on an Australian Tourism Website; the answers obviously came from a fellow Aussie.<br><br>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never <br>seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)<br>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit <br>around watching them die.<br> <br>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)<br>A: Depends how much you've been drinking<br> <br>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow <br>the railroad tracks?(Sweden)<br>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of <br>water...<br> <br>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? Sweden)<br>A: So its true what they say about Swedes.<br> <br>Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)<br>A: Let's not touch this one.<br> <br>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a &gt; &gt; list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and <br>Hervey Bay? (UK)<br>A: What did your last slave die of?<br> <br>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)<br>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the <br>pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.<br> <br>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)<br>A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.<br> <br>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)<br>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.<br> <br>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)<br>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays <br>every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.<br> <br>Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)<br>A: No, WE don't stink.<br> <br>Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you &gt; &gt; tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)<br>A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.<br> <br>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)<br>A: You are a male British politician, right?<br> <br>Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population &gt; &gt; is smaller than the male population? (Italy)<br>A: Yes, gay nightclubs.<br> <br>Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)<br>A: Only at Christmas.<br> <br>Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)<br>A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.<br> <br>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)<br>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.<br> <br>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)<br>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU <br>come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.<br> <br>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)<br>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking <br>underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.<br> <br>Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&amp;R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you <br>help? (USA)<br>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.<br> <br>Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)<br>A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.<br>

DieselDaze

<br><br>Rich

Shovelhead

I was lucky enough to spend 3 weeks in Australia two winters ago.<br><br>Beautiful place. 8)<br>Friendly people. ;D (even in King's Cross, watch out for the Hippo Pies )<br><br>I'd love to visit again.<br><br><br>

Holsteinman

FiverBob

I am constantly amazed by the questions I get when someone learns I was in Australia. The best one is &quot;tell me about the kangaroos you saw when you were in Melbourne.&quot; <br><br>My answer: &quot;I will tell you all about them just after you tell me about all the buffalo you saw in Times Square in New York City.&quot; <br><br>It is an amazing country. New Zealand is likewise really neat. Too bad they can't talk English in either country.

Mexstan

FiverBob, I know exactly what you mean. I moved from South Africa to Canada many years ago. Some of the mindboggling questions I was asked over and over were:<br>Did you live in a mud hut?<br>Are there any cars there?<br>Are there any roads?<br>Were your parents missionaries? (no they were not)<br>Were you afraid of the lions?<br>What type of food did you eat?<br>Did you have to carry a gun all the time?<br>The Canadians though I was either pulling their leg or just plain lying when I told them of our 6 lane high speed expressways, skyscrapers etc etc. They would not accept that Johannesburg had a freestanding building like their CN tower long before the CN tower was built. In fact, to me, Canada was behind South Africa in development in many ways. That statement blew them away. It blew them away even more when I told them that the mines in South Africa had electricity before London, UK.<br><br>