Republic of Texas (A LIttle Political Humor)
08-03-2004 | 12:18 PM
#1
Thread Starter
Thats MR Hoss to you buddy!
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,759
Likes: 3
From: Central Texas
Republic of Texas (A LIttle Political Humor)
Disclaimer: I didn't take the time to verify this as factual. It is provided only for entertainment purposes.....although I'm not sure I'd be opposed to the idea. 
THE FUTURE OF TEXAS
Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).
We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you too.
Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our their hands.
Here is our solution:
#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)
#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.
So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?
1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (we will control the space industry.)
2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.
3. Defense Industry. (we have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.
4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will
need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.
5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....
6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing
computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.
7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.
8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: Texas A&M, UT, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, Ivy grows better in the south anyway.
9. We have a ready supply of workers. (just open the border when we need some more)
10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.
11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.
12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and lets not forget seafood
from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.
This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of
Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.
Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry: Since
you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off
your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.
Sincerely,
The People in Texas.
THE FUTURE OF TEXAS
Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union (please refer to the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848).
We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action if Kerry wins president over Bush. We'll miss you too.
Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our their hands.
Here is our solution:
#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States. (all 49 states.)
#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.
So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?
1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (we will control the space industry.)
2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.
3. Defense Industry. (we have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.
4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will
need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.
5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....
6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing
computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.
7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.
8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: Texas A&M, UT, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, Ivy grows better in the south anyway.
9. We have a ready supply of workers. (just open the border when we need some more)
10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.
11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.
12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and lets not forget seafood
from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.
This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of
Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.
Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry: Since
you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off
your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.
Sincerely,
The People in Texas.
08-03-2004 | 02:23 PM
#7
Registered User
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 335
Likes: 0
From: Huffman, Tx.
DANG IT HOSS!!!!!!
Now look what ya gone done did!!!!!
They are all gonna move down here.
Now we'll never get to dip our tuschies into the Guadalupe or Frio river again, they will both be filled up with all them transplants trying to cool off their backsides and remember what it was like to live up in the frozen north (since these are the only 2 cold water rivers that we have)......
OH WELL,
can't say as I blame them if Catsup Mongering Kerry gets his french fry....
Gary
Now look what ya gone done did!!!!!
They are all gonna move down here.
Now we'll never get to dip our tuschies into the Guadalupe or Frio river again, they will both be filled up with all them transplants trying to cool off their backsides and remember what it was like to live up in the frozen north (since these are the only 2 cold water rivers that we have)......
OH WELL,
can't say as I blame them if Catsup Mongering Kerry gets his french fry....
Gary
Trending Topics
08-03-2004 | 02:31 PM
#9
It's my pot and I'll stir it if I want to. If you're not careful, I'll stir your's as well!
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 3,198
Likes: 173
From: Central Mexico.
Will you still allow visitors from the south? Can I still come up occasionally and leave my money there? Does my Dodge 2500 give me any special privileges? It has Texas plates. Does it help that it has a Cummins which is not available here?
Actually, sad as it is, it sounds like a good idea for Texas to secede. How wise of your forefather to include that clause.
Actually, sad as it is, it sounds like a good idea for Texas to secede. How wise of your forefather to include that clause.
08-03-2004 | 03:28 PM
#11
Registered User
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 48
Likes: 0
Originally posted by wannadiesel
If Texas secedes, I'm moving there. I can bring a few guns and a pile of ammo to help out in the second War of Northern Aggression.
If Texas secedes, I'm moving there. I can bring a few guns and a pile of ammo to help out in the second War of Northern Aggression.
08-04-2004 | 02:04 AM
#12
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 77
Likes: 0
From: Clearwater, FL
Isn't that Tom Daschle freak from North Dakota? or South Dakota?
I'd have to agree w/ all that. Pretty soon there's gonna be a liberal nation and a conservative nation. Are there any Democratic states that have any sort of financial prosperity going for them? If not, then I rest my case!
I'd have to agree w/ all that. Pretty soon there's gonna be a liberal nation and a conservative nation. Are there any Democratic states that have any sort of financial prosperity going for them? If not, then I rest my case!
08-04-2004 | 02:32 PM
#14
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 560
Likes: 0
From: NC Mtns near Boone
Easy now boys, Hoss already said it was supposed to be funny!
Thanks for the heads up Hoss. I've already begun hoarding chicken litter. The fumes alone are plenty strong enough to power my diesel.
Can't you see the futures market? I can already see the business news headline, "Manure trading reached an all time high today when Texas legistature voted to secede."
Nat
Thanks for the heads up Hoss. I've already begun hoarding chicken litter. The fumes alone are plenty strong enough to power my diesel.
Can't you see the futures market? I can already see the business news headline, "Manure trading reached an all time high today when Texas legistature voted to secede."
Nat
08-05-2004 | 01:01 AM
#15
Registered User
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 136
Likes: 0
From: Sierra California
A Colorado'n and a Texan find a magic lamp. The genie pops out and gives each of them one wish. The Texan goes first..... He tells the genie that Texas is the greatest State in the union and to insure that only Texans are allowed to live there, he would like a continous 20 foot high cement wall built around the entire State so that non-Texans can't get in. So be it , the genie declares!, your wish is my command!....
The genie then turns the Colorado'n and asks, "what is your one wish, master"? The Colorado'n thought for a moment and then asked the genie, "is that 20 foot high continous cement wall still surrounding all of the great State Texas"? "Why yes", replied the genie. "Well then", the Colorado'n repiled, FILL IT WITH WATER!!!
Go Bush!!! (even if you are from Tejas!)
The genie then turns the Colorado'n and asks, "what is your one wish, master"? The Colorado'n thought for a moment and then asked the genie, "is that 20 foot high continous cement wall still surrounding all of the great State Texas"? "Why yes", replied the genie. "Well then", the Colorado'n repiled, FILL IT WITH WATER!!!
Go Bush!!! (even if you are from Tejas!)