Redneck Christmas
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Bellingham Washington
Posts: 286
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Redneck Christmas
I apologise for the caps but it's too long to correct. Sides, don't all these folks talk real loud?<br><br>MERRY CHRISTMAS ! ! !<br>'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, AND ALL THROUGH THE SHACK,<br>NOT A DARN THING WAS A MOVIN', FROM THE FRONT TO THE BACK.<br><br>THE KIDS WERE IN BED, WE HAD NINE AT THE TIME,<br>THE WIFE IN HER CURLERS, WAS LOOKIN' REAL FINE.<br><br>A COLD WIND WAS BLOWIN', UP THE HOLLER IT MOANED,<br>TEN DOGS ON THE PORCH ALL HOWLED AND GROANED.<br><br>THE BOYS WERE ALL DREAMIN' OF WEAPONS AND GUNS,<br>FOR KILLIN' GOD'S CREATURES, ...THERE'S NO BETTER FUN!<br><br>THE GIRLS IN THEIR FEMININE DREAMS WERE ATTUNED,<br>TO GETTING THOSE GALLONS OF WAL-MART PERFUME.<br><br>THE WIFE WANTED JEWELRY, LIKE RINGS WITH BIG ROCKS.<br>I JUST WANTED MY CHEVY DOWN OFF OF THEM BLOCKS.<br><br>THEN OUT IN YARD, SUCH A NOISE DID COMMENCE,<br>LIKE SOMETHING WAS CAUGHT IN OUR NEW BOB-WAR FENCE.<br><br>I RAN TO THE WINDOW, AND SAW PRETTY QUICK,<br>THE MAN MAKIN' THAT RACKET, WAS GOOD OL' ST. NICK.<br><br>YOU MAY THINK OF SANTA IN YOU OWN MIND'S EYE,<br>DRESSED IN A RED AND WHITE SUIT, BUT I'VE GOT A SURPRISE.<br><br>THAT OLD BOY'S AN ARKIE, FROM UP NEAR MT. GAYLOR,<br>HE MARRIED HIS COUSIN, AND THEY LIVE IN A TRAILER.<br><br>ON CHRISTMAS, OF COURSE, A SLEIGH FOR HIS RIG,<br>HE HOOKS THE THING UP TO A RAZORBACK PIG!<br><br>HE CLIMBED ON THE ROOF, WITH HIS BAG FULL OF GOODIES,<br>HE BACKED DOWN THE FIREPLACE, ALL DIRTY AND SOOTY.<br><br>FAT LEGS IN HIS BRITCHES, CHUBBY HANDS IN HIS MITTENS,<br>I MUST ADMIT FROM THE BACK, HE LOOKED LOTS LIKE BILL CLINTON.<br><br>HE TURNED TOWARD THE TREE, HIS EYES ALL AGLOW,<br>HE WAS AN ARKANSAS BOY FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS TOE.<br><br>HIS NECK WAS A RED ONE, HIS SHIRT SAID "LITE BEER",<br>HE HAD NO RED HAT ON, BUT HIS CAP READ "JOHN DEERE".<br><br>HE LEFT ALL THE PRESENTS, WITH AN AIR OF DELIGHT,<br>THEN IT WAS BACK TO THE CHIMNEY, AND INTO THE NIGHT.<br><br>HE RAN INTO THE YARD, THREW HIS BAG IN THE SLEIGH,<br>THEN HE YELLED AT THE DOGS, "GET THE #### OUT TH' WAY!"<br><br>I RAN OUT TO ASK HIM WHY HE BROUGHT SUCH GOOD CHEER;<br>BUT INSTEAD HE JUST ASKED ME, "YOU GET YOU A DEER?"<br><br>THEN I HEARD HIM EXCLAIM, AS THOSE PIGS TOOK FLIGHT,<br>"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL...I NEED A BUD LITE!" <br>
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post