Hello all,

My mother in law is in end stage liver failure and we are attempting to see to her wishes that she die at home in her bed. She lives in N.C. According to her lawyer, we must get the signature of two doctors in order to let her pass, apparently without these signatures, God is not allowed to take her. Kind of ironic that in the bible belt, God has second say. Anyway I digress...

Do any of you know, or can you point us in the right direction towards answering the many questions of providing a persons wishes, without multiple hospital trips that will completely strip her of every possibility of dignity in her last days? She knows her days here are limited, she has come to terms with her mistakes, she knows she will soon die and her only wish is to be left in the comfort of her home, under the care of her daughter, and to have a little dignity.

On our side, my wife is terrified of legal action against us for not following the strictest guidelines of the law, and ending up in court and losing everything that we own defending the wishes of her mother. Apparently it has happened with others. My wife has full medical control and is therefore completely liable for the decisions that she makes for her mothers care. And there is always the possibility that family members may challenge her decisions.

Is there some sort of injunction, or legal form that can allow us to give my MIL a dignified death, at home, without rushing her to the hospital every other day, using drastic and painful measures to revive her only to delay the inevitable? Does my MIL (wife) have the ability to refuse medical care for her mother if she deems it to be unnecessary and only serving to prolong the inevitable?

These questions may seem harsh, but we are only trying to care for my MIL in a way that she wished to be cared for. She simply wants to die in her home, away from hospitals, doctors, needles, tubes, and indignant attitudes towards her disease.

Can anyone help??

 

The doctors aren't helping to provide answers Jeff? I've been involved in the med fields all my adult life, first as an EMT then a paramedic, and I thought Do Not Resuscitate, (DNR), orders were universally accepted nation-wide. Obviously each state would have their own specific version, but I thought they all had them. Maybe you've checked into this, or already have a DNR order in place, and your question goes beyond this aspect.

I dunno if this will help or not; http://www.ncmedsoc.org/pages/public...d_of_life.html

 

In short, no they are not. We do have all the proper documentation in place, it is just the administration of the orders that we have seemingly no control over. We were told hospice would not accept her because they do not like 'liver failure patients' - i.e. those who are dying from alcoholism. My MIL's lawyer said we are at the mercy of the Doctors, and if she is in a condition which needs immediate medical attention, she MUST go to the hospital, where of course they will pump her full of drugs to stabilize her, and delay the inevitable for a day, at which time we have to call 9-1-1 again. A situation she does not want.

Our concern is if we do not make the call... What then.

We want her to stay home, in her bed (her wishes, not ours). The hospital is already threatening us for tests we already now the outcome of. There is a gastro doc who is demanding a colonoscopy be performed. He is adamant that living in a wheel chair, in diapers, unaware of your surroundings is a 'quality' life he could extend. It is almost as though the vultures are circling, trying to get in line for expensive and unnecessary procedures. Horrible thing to say, but not one has provided a convincing argument to justify the tens of thousands of dollars that will be spent to simply find out her systems are failing, and to prescribe a hand full of pills we need to purchase and administer at hundreds of dollars each.

I apologize for my tone, and please do not take anything I write personally. I am very well aware that there are numerous ethical, responsible, and caring doctors out there, we just have not been able to find any assistance due to the nature of my MIL's ailment. As I stated earlier, A VERY ironic situation for a state, and a populous that boastfully claims to be christian. You would be appalled at the treatment she was given by the nurses and doctors during her hospitalization.

 

Yeah, well... that's the one single thing that has turned me off from a lot of people who claim 'to do God's work', but that's for another conversation.

Will they LET you take her home? If they do, I would. Then let her pass the way she wishes to. No matter WHAT you do, there could be someone that makes an issue of it and sues you anyway. We did this with my dad. They wanted him to stay in the hospital because they could prolong his life, which he did NOT want. We brought him home, set up a hospital bed in the living room and within 30 days he was gone. There was no autopsy needed because it wasn't an unwitnessed death, not that it would have given light to anything that wasn't already known anyway. There was a little legal wrangling with my so-called brother and an attorney, but that went away.

I wish I could offer more for you. Maybe a PM to Jack? Being a NC Trooper, maybe he knows something that would be more helpful.