Mexstan

Just stumbled over this and thought some of you guys might be able to relate to it.<br><br>Oil Changing Instructions for Women:<br><br>1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.<br>2. Drink a cup of coffee.<br>3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.<br><br>Money spent:<br><br>$20.00 for oil change <br>$1.00 for coffee.<br><br>TOTAL: $21.00 <br> <br><br>Oil Change Instructions for Men:<br><br>1. Go to store, spend $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.<br>2. Get home to discover that the used oil container is full.<br>3. Instead of taking it to local repair garage for recycling, dump in hole in back yard.<br>4. Open a beer and drink it.<br>5. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.<br>6. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.<br>7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.<br>8. Place drain pan under engine.<br>9. Look for 9/16th box end wrench.<br>10. give up and use crescent wrench.<br>11. Unscrew drain plug.<br>12. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil ; get hot oil on you in process.<br>13. Clean up mess.<br>14. Have another beer while watching oil drain.<br>15. Look for oil filter wrench.<br>16. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.<br>17. Beer.<br>18. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.<br>19. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.<br>20. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.<br>21. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.<br>22. Walk to 7 Eleven; buy beer.<br>23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.<br>24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.<br>25. Remember drain plug from step 11.<br>26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.<br>27. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.<br>28. Drink Beer.<br>29. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.<br>30. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.<br>31. Drink beer.<br>32. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.<br>33. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.<br>34. Begin cussing a fit.<br>35. Throw wrench.<br>36. Swear 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss July (1992) in her overabundant chest.<br>36. Beer.<br>37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.<br>38. Beer.<br>39. Beer.<br>40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.<br>41. Beer.<br>42. Lower car from jack stands.<br>43. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.<br>44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.<br>45. Beer<br>46. Test drive car.<br>47. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.<br>48. Car gets impounded.<br>49. Make bail: Get car from impound yard.<br><br>Money spent:<br><br>$50.00 parts <br>$25.00 Beer <br>$75.00 replacement set of jack stands <br>$1,000.00 Bail <br>$200.00 Impound and towing fee<br><br>TOTAL: $1,350.00 <br><br><br><br><br> <br>

WHIFF

Funny.

Mostwanted

Redleg

LMHO, you forgot the crushed 5 gallon pail after dropping the car on it. <br><br>Have you started a tar-pit in your back yard? ;D

Holsteinman

RKCRWLR

. I resemble that. And add one irritated wife when oily cloths go into the washing machine. Additional cost... baby sitter and dinner for two! :

Mexstan

Thought this would strike a cord with some of you.<br>rkcrwlr, your comments reminded me of the time I boiled a carburettor in my wifes new aluminim pot and left a permanent dark stain in it. I was NOT popular :

TXRAM2

every time I change the oil, the wife just ??? : and goes back inside

Honker

so true, so true. Your video camera must be in my garage.

spots

Ha never met a woman yet who would change the oil on time... (what's this red lite on the dash for??????)<br>For the past 20 years my wife only gets in and turns the key and goes. Wouldn't know how to maintain a car or truck!!!! In turn I get great meals and clean clothes....a deal we worked out years ago and has worked well. ;D YMMV

sherod

Thats just about right! MEXSTAN.. If you think that got you in hot water, try this.. Bring the new colt into the house cuz your fighting illness. The wife just loved me for that one. Happy ending tho, now a daily rider.<br>Ed

Mexstan

sherod Are you now older and wiser? Bet older but not much wiser. Like most of us eh? ???

Cumminsdude

<br><br>Good one

sherod

I ain't sayin nothing. ;D