Hump Day joke
10-30-2002, 06:57 AM
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Hump Day joke
In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in<br>> > > the<br>> > > middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the<br>> > > delivery.<br>> > > Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a<br>> > > lantern<br>> > > and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."<br>> > > Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.<br>> > > "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the<br>> > > lantern down. I<br>> > > think there's yet another one to come."<br>> > ><br>> > > Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.<br>> > ><br>> > > "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern.<br>> > > It seems<br>> > > there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.<br>> > ><br>> > > The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the<br>> > > doctor, "Do you<br>> > > think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
10-30-2002, 08:31 AM
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Re:Hump Day joke
Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Alma, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed.<br><br>Six hours later, Paul went to her again and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"<br><br>Alma agrees, and again they make love.<br><br>Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only 8 hours of life left. He touched Alma's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please?<br>Just one more time before I die."<br><br>She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep.<br><br>Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"<br><br>His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I<br>have to get up in the morning. You don't."<br>
10-30-2002, 01:02 PM
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Re:Hump Day joke
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.<br>I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."<br><br>"What do they say?" the priest inquired.<br><br>"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?' "<br><br>"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You<br>know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male<br>talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your<br>two birds over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Carl and<br>Johan. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your<br>parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."<br><br>"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."<br><br>The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he<br>ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage<br>holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her<br>parrots in with them.<br><br>After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're<br>prostitutes. Do you want to have fun?"<br><br>There was a stunned silence.<br><br>Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,<br>"Put the f**king beads away, Carl, our prayers have been answered!"<br>
10-30-2002, 08:57 PM
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Re:Hump Day joke
<br><br> Non computer COOKIES<br><br>An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed.<br>While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs. <br>He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. <br>With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen.<br>Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself<br>already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkle cookies .<br>Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left<br>this world a happy man?<br>Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the<br>table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.<br>His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was<br>already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife..............<br><br>"Back off!" she said, "They're for the funeral."
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10-31-2002, 12:53 PM
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Re:Hump Day joke
SOUTHERN TERRORIST ADVISORY ATLANTA<br>>>><br>>>>The governors of Alabama, South Carolina, Arkansas,<br>>>>Georgia, and Mississippi announced today that they<br>>>>have made a disturbing discovery in their states.<br>>>>Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists have<br>>>>become romantically involved with local redneck girls.<br>>>>The result is not pretty and they now have the sad<br>>>>task of reporting the creation of a new sector of the<br>>>>human race: Islamabubbas.<br>>>><br>>>>So far, only a smattering of actual births have been<br>>>>reported, but Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is<br>>>>hard at work trying to isolate and seal them off. To<br>>>>date, the Coalition has identified the following children:<br>>>><br>>>>Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba<br>>>>Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Boudit<br>>>>Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba<br>>>>Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba<br>>>>Bobbie Joe Bubba Amgood Atat<br>>>>Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl<br>>>>Linda Sue Bin There Dundat<br>>>><br>>>>Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem<br>>>>to have sprung from one couple:<br>>>><br>>>>Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin<br>
10-31-2002, 04:11 PM
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Re:Hump Day joke
Bubba called the local attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"<br><br>"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.<br><br>"And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making<br>them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is<br>that true mister lawyer?"<br><br>"Sure is Bubba. But why are you asking?"<br><br>"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinkin', can I sue Budweiser for<br>all the ugly women I've slept with?"
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