boiler-rat

A newlywed couple wanted to join the local church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed but after only two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. As the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon...is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was simply unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. Finally, on Tuesday afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the man, shamefacedly.



"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."

torquefan

Hemi Cat

Buckshotmckee

Here one about a Texan Salesman,
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you
make today?" The Kid says, "One." The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" Kid says, "$101,237.64."
Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?" Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new 'fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine
Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I
took him to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

Hoss

BigBlue