Daddy's Little Girls
08-13-2005, 03:38 AM
#1
Administrator
Thread Starter
Daddy's Little Girls
Our Daddy's Little Girls.
Ok I understand that alot of us out here have "A Daddy's Girl" (daughter) that someone might get the idea they are going to interact with them before they reach the legal age of 30.
You see having a girl is a special kind of a thing and as being the father there are special requirements and guidelines you must follow.
See when I had mine I got her the deluxe DLG protection package before we even left the hospital. It will protect her from all dangers and road hazards both Foreign and Domestic.
Since she is only 14 this same standard form applies to "talking to her on the phone and communications via electronic mail."
If anyone wishes to talk to her, feel free to print out this form, complete it and send it to me for review.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _____
7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _________________
A tattoo?_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____________________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? __________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? __________________________________________________ ___________________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend __________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
(b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________
(c) A woman's place is in the ________________________________________
(d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________
(e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ______________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INTROUCTION OF LEAD FRAGMENTS into SAID PERSONS POSTERIOR FLESH, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________ Signature
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying heavy insturments. (You might want to watch your back).
Ok I understand that alot of us out here have "A Daddy's Girl" (daughter) that someone might get the idea they are going to interact with them before they reach the legal age of 30.
You see having a girl is a special kind of a thing and as being the father there are special requirements and guidelines you must follow.
See when I had mine I got her the deluxe DLG protection package before we even left the hospital. It will protect her from all dangers and road hazards both Foreign and Domestic.
Since she is only 14 this same standard form applies to "talking to her on the phone and communications via electronic mail."
If anyone wishes to talk to her, feel free to print out this form, complete it and send it to me for review.
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _____
7. Number of years your parents have been married ____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _______
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _________________
A tattoo?_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?____________________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? __________________________________________________ _______________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? __________________________________________________ ___________________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend __________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
(b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________
(c) A woman's place is in the ________________________________________
(d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________
(e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her ______________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INTROUCTION OF LEAD FRAGMENTS into SAID PERSONS POSTERIOR FLESH, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________ Signature
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying heavy insturments. (You might want to watch your back).
08-13-2005, 04:45 AM
#2
Registered User
That is off the hook funny!!! I need to do one for my boys!!!
I met my current wife(had 3 sofar
)with an ad entitled "Top ten reasons not to answer this ad"!!!!----NO KIDDING!!!! I'll post later
Rick
I met my current wife(had 3 sofar
)with an ad entitled "Top ten reasons not to answer this ad"!!!!----NO KIDDING!!!! I'll post later Rick
08-13-2005, 06:45 AM
#3
Registered User
That's pretty good! Gotta print that for when my daughter starts dating.
I was going to show the young lad my collection of automatic weapons and that I know how to use them.
MikeyB
I was going to show the young lad my collection of automatic weapons and that I know how to use them.
MikeyB
08-13-2005, 06:54 AM
#4
DTR's Night Watchman & Poet Laureate
I have a set of " left overs " in a tupperware container in the freezer from teh last stud colt we gelded.
When a young man came to the house for the first time to see one of my girls, I would show them to him, and explain...
" This was Jack. Jack couldnt behave himself around the ladies. Understand???"
I did this twice when my youngest was 15, and one of the young men had her home an hour early, the other left and and never called again. After that the BOSS made me stop, but it sure worked!!!
and Yes I actually did that
When a young man came to the house for the first time to see one of my girls, I would show them to him, and explain...
" This was Jack. Jack couldnt behave himself around the ladies. Understand???"
I did this twice when my youngest was 15, and one of the young men had her home an hour early, the other left and and never called again. After that the BOSS made me stop, but it sure worked!!!
and Yes I actually did that
08-13-2005, 07:10 AM
#5
Administrator / Scooter Bum
This has been posted several times before:
10 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early"
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car/truck?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early"
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car/truck?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
08-13-2005, 08:06 AM
#7
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Both of these are pretty good.
But at this point in my daughters life (22, almost 23), she is her dates worst enemy already. For some reason, the apple didn't fall very far from the tree, and she is a serious B****. She is more brutal to her dates than I ever could be.
Don't get me wrong, she is just about as girly-girl as they come, but she just doesn't put up with any crap from dates/boyfriends.
Gotta love that girl!!
But at this point in my daughters life (22, almost 23), she is her dates worst enemy already. For some reason, the apple didn't fall very far from the tree, and she is a serious B****. She is more brutal to her dates than I ever could be.
Don't get me wrong, she is just about as girly-girl as they come, but she just doesn't put up with any crap from dates/boyfriends.
Gotta love that girl!!
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08-13-2005, 08:08 AM
#8
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Re: Daddy's Little Girls
Originally posted by Jim Lane
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
08-13-2005, 08:36 AM
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oh heres a idea, only my '57 has oversized tires. SO i will take her out in my CTD! now about them boyscouts. i was too busy helpin my dad in the turkeyhouses. Yup so therefore im exempt from thoes two. So whats her email address???
08-13-2005, 08:46 AM
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Re: Daddy's Little Girls
Originally posted by Jim Lane
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. (PM ME FOR DETAILS)
1. NAME brian russell blevins DATE OF BIRTH 04-08-90
2. HEIGHT ___6'2''___________ WEIGHT __160lbs__ I.Q __high_ G.P.A.__3.5_
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ___pm for details_ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____same as previous___
4. BOY SCOUT RANK____See above post__________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS pm for details_______ CITY/STATE _omaha ar__ ZIP _72662_
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_______yes_________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _____
7. Number of years your parents have been married ______25____________________
8. Do you own a van? _no___ A truck with oversized tires? _see above post_____ A waterbed? __no_____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______no__________
A tattoo?_______no__________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?___after the time you stated before we left_________________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _______not touching your daughter __________________________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _____________not partaking in something_________________________________________ _______________
12. Church you attend __faith assembly___________ How often do you attend __every sunday________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? whenever you are free__________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is _my faced_______
(b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __nose___
(c) A woman's place is in the ___office, or wherever she wants to work. but certenly not in the kitchen
(d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __you can aske me anything
(e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _hair_____________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __diesel mechanic
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INTROUCTION OF LEAD FRAGMENTS into SAID PERSONS POSTERIOR FLESH, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
____Brian Russell Blevins____ Signature
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. (PM ME FOR DETAILS)
1. NAME brian russell blevins DATE OF BIRTH 04-08-90
2. HEIGHT ___6'2''___________ WEIGHT __160lbs__ I.Q __high_ G.P.A.__3.5_
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # ___pm for details_ DRIVERS LICENSE # ____same as previous___
4. BOY SCOUT RANK____See above post__________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS pm for details_______ CITY/STATE _omaha ar__ ZIP _72662_
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_______yes_________________
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _____
7. Number of years your parents have been married ______25____________________
8. Do you own a van? _no___ A truck with oversized tires? _see above post_____ A waterbed? __no_____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? _______no__________
A tattoo?_______no__________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?___after the time you stated before we left_________________________
__________________________________________________ _____________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? _______not touching your daughter __________________________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________ _______________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? _____________not partaking in something_________________________________________ _______________
12. Church you attend __faith assembly___________ How often do you attend __every sunday________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? whenever you are free__________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is _my faced_______
(b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __nose___
(c) A woman's place is in the ___office, or wherever she wants to work. but certenly not in the kitchen
(d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is __you can aske me anything
(e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her _hair_____________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __diesel mechanic
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INTROUCTION OF LEAD FRAGMENTS into SAID PERSONS POSTERIOR FLESH, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
____Brian Russell Blevins____ Signature
08-13-2005, 09:02 AM
#14
Banned
Re: Daddy's Little Girls
Originally posted by Jim Lane
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME Mike Arroyo DATE OF BIRTH 7-16-91
2. HEIGHT 5'6" WEIGHT 110lbs I.Q high G.P.A. Never was told
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # Pm for details DRIVERS LICENSE # NA
4. BOY SCOUT RANK NA
5. HOME Pm for details CITY/STATE Christiana ZIP 17509
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? yes
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _____
7. Number of years your parents have been married 14
8. Do you own a van? no A truck with oversized tires? soon A waterbed? no
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? absolutly not
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? Coming home after an assigned curfue
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? Not to touch your daughter
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? Refraining from doing sumthing
12. Church you attend Andrews Bridge Christian Fellowship How often do you attend When time allows
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? anytime
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is Chest
(b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my Collar
(c) A woman's place is Whereever she wishes to be
(d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is Ask anything
(e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her Face and hair
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? Diesel Mechanic-Military-Firefighter
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INTROUCTION OF LEAD FRAGMENTS into SAID PERSONS POSTERIOR FLESH, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Mike Signature
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying heavy insturments. (You might want to watch your back).
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME Mike Arroyo DATE OF BIRTH 7-16-91
2. HEIGHT 5'6" WEIGHT 110lbs I.Q high G.P.A. Never was told
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # Pm for details DRIVERS LICENSE # NA
4. BOY SCOUT RANK NA
5. HOME Pm for details CITY/STATE Christiana ZIP 17509
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? yes
If No., EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ _____
7. Number of years your parents have been married 14
8. Do you own a van? no A truck with oversized tires? soon A waterbed? no
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? absolutly not
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? Coming home after an assigned curfue
10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? Not to touch your daughter
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you? Refraining from doing sumthing
12. Church you attend Andrews Bridge Christian Fellowship How often do you attend When time allows
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? anytime
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)
(a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is Chest
(b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my Collar
(c) A woman's place is Whereever she wishes to be
(d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is Ask anything
(e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her Face and hair
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? Diesel Mechanic-Military-Firefighter
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, INTROUCTION OF LEAD FRAGMENTS into SAID PERSONS POSTERIOR FLESH, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Mike Signature
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying heavy insturments. (You might want to watch your back).
