Blonde Joke
01-06-2005, 10:39 AM
#1
Blonde Joke
A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was
which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and
that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in
a bush.
It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's
tail and our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse.
That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a
barbed wire fence.
Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height.
When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and
that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in
a bush.
It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's
tail and our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse.
That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a
barbed wire fence.
Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height.
When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
01-06-2005, 11:01 AM
#4
Proprietor of Fiver's Inn and Hospitality Center
Two blondes decided to cut their own Christmas tree. Grabbed the chain saw and axe and started wandering thru the woods. They nixed tree after tree. Finally had to run from wolves and were nearing exhaustion and hypothermia. One looked at the other and said "I am cutting the next tree we find - - I don't care if it is all ready decorated or not".
01-06-2005, 11:07 AM
#5
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Blonds
This was taken fron NW Bombers
A blonde was feeling so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Puget Sound.
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Listen, you've got a lot to live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day. "Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added with a wink, "I'll make you happy, and you can make me happy."
The blonde nodded "yes" through her tears. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat, along with blankets and food. From then on, every night he brought her sandwiches, water, wine and fruit and they would make mad, passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.
"What in the heck are you doing here?" the Captain demanded angrily.
I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get free food and a trip to Europe. Meanwhile (she says coyly) he's taking advantage of me so to speak (wink, wink)."
"He sure as hell is, lady," the Captain said, "This is the Bremerton ferry."
A blonde was feeling so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Puget Sound.
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Listen, you've got a lot to live for.
I'm off to Europe in the morning and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day. "Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added with a wink, "I'll make you happy, and you can make me happy."
The blonde nodded "yes" through her tears. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat, along with blankets and food. From then on, every night he brought her sandwiches, water, wine and fruit and they would make mad, passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the Captain.
"What in the heck are you doing here?" the Captain demanded angrily.
I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get free food and a trip to Europe. Meanwhile (she says coyly) he's taking advantage of me so to speak (wink, wink)."
"He sure as hell is, lady," the Captain said, "This is the Bremerton ferry."
01-06-2005, 11:20 AM
#6
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A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten ......., "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
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01-06-2005, 11:35 AM
#8
DTR's Night Watchman & Poet Laureate
A blond goes out and buys a restored Jaguar Convertible.... shes out riding around, top down, wind blowing thru her ears , when it sputters and dies.
She is sitting there trying to figure out what to do, when a tow truck pulls up.
She tells the driver what happened, and he pops the hood, tinkers a few minutes and says "try it now".
She turns the key and it fires right up. With a confused look on her face she says" what is it? Whats wrong?"
As he is closing the hood, the driver replies" oh, its nothing , just c**p in the carburator..."
The blond gets a stunned look on her face and says" Just how often do I have to do that??????"
She is sitting there trying to figure out what to do, when a tow truck pulls up.
She tells the driver what happened, and he pops the hood, tinkers a few minutes and says "try it now".
She turns the key and it fires right up. With a confused look on her face she says" what is it? Whats wrong?"
As he is closing the hood, the driver replies" oh, its nothing , just c**p in the carburator..."
The blond gets a stunned look on her face and says" Just how often do I have to do that??????"
01-06-2005, 11:38 AM
#9
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Originally posted by Chrisreyn
A blond goes out and buys a restored Jaguar Convertible.... shes out riding around, top down, wind blowing thru her ears , when it sputters and dies.
She is sitting there trying to figure out what to do, when a tow truck pulls up.
She tells the driver what happened, and he pops the hood, tinkers a few minutes and says "try it now".
She turns the key and it fires right up. With a confused look on her face she says" what is it? Whats wrong?"
As he is closing the hood, the driver replies" oh, its nothing , just c**p in the carburator..."
The blond gets a stunned look on her face and says" Just how often do I have to do that??????"
A blond goes out and buys a restored Jaguar Convertible.... shes out riding around, top down, wind blowing thru her ears , when it sputters and dies.
She is sitting there trying to figure out what to do, when a tow truck pulls up.
She tells the driver what happened, and he pops the hood, tinkers a few minutes and says "try it now".
She turns the key and it fires right up. With a confused look on her face she says" what is it? Whats wrong?"
As he is closing the hood, the driver replies" oh, its nothing , just c**p in the carburator..."
The blond gets a stunned look on her face and says" Just how often do I have to do that??????"
01-06-2005, 06:23 PM
#14
Proprietor of Fiver's Inn and Hospitality Center
Motorcycle cop in California clocks this blonde in a red convertible doing 90. Fires up, pulls up beside her, looks inside to see her knitting while driving 90. He hollered "pull over". She smiled and hollered back "No, a scarf".
01-06-2005, 09:52 PM
#15
Registered User
What is the only smart blonde known to man?
A golden Retriever..
Hey.... i only heard it.....
How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Take her to a round room and tell her to sit in a corner
Three women were competing in a swimming contest across the english channel, one woman was a red head, one was a blonde, and one a brunette, the rules were swim across the channel using the breast stroke with the first one to cross the finish line wins, Ok the gun goes off and the women take off, they dive on in, the red head wins, the brunette comes in second, and the blonde comes in a distant third... as she crosses the finish line she says, Hey they cheated! they were using their arms.....
A golden Retriever..
Hey.... i only heard it.....
How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Take her to a round room and tell her to sit in a corner
Three women were competing in a swimming contest across the english channel, one woman was a red head, one was a blonde, and one a brunette, the rules were swim across the channel using the breast stroke with the first one to cross the finish line wins, Ok the gun goes off and the women take off, they dive on in, the red head wins, the brunette comes in second, and the blonde comes in a distant third... as she crosses the finish line she says, Hey they cheated! they were using their arms.....