Gotlift01

Well I do agree with you on this....and for her to use the money to pay the rent and utilities is fine with me, but her boyfriend pays all of that. The part that got me a little irritated is that when we got divorced she was driving my 2001 Chevy Tahoe.....and being the nice guy that I am I noted in our divorce papers that I was signing the title of the Tahoe over to her. That way she didn't have a car payment and they could survive a little easier. So then she turns right around and trades the Tahoe off on a BRAND NEW one which I'm sure her payment is outrageous on.

I guess I just don't see the logic in doing that. She had a perfectly good vehicle to drive with LOW miles on it that is 100% free and clear to her.........WHY would you go out and buy a new one? Not only that but she is about ready to give birth to TWIN baby girls, so she won't be working now for quite sometime. You would think that she'd be a little more concerned about money to help support them. I just don't get it!!


~Nick

mcoleman

Keeping children in an enviroment where the parents do not get along is much more dangerous to their well being than a divorce. They don't need to be where their is no love and harmony being shared between the parents. It does not set a good example of how they should treat their future spouses. My ex-wife and I get along better now than we did the last 4 years of a 15 year marriage. I have no problem with how she spends the CS although I wish some of it was tax deductible. We don't really pay any attention to the court ordered visitation stuff. If the kids want to come out they come out. When they want to go back to her house we meet in the middle between where I live and where she lives. They come out during the summer and stay as long as they want although the oldest is busy working alot during the summer now that he is older. She wishes she lived closer so they could just jump in the truck and run over whenever they feel like it. Matter of fact they will be out this weekend for the MODTR#30 GTG.

Rollin' Smoke

dont get your hopes up but you might have something to go on if you can prove somehow that there are drugs in the home. might be hard to do and is probably a long shot, but it also might be something to work with

I am not in your situation and never have been but i feel the same way you guys do about it. should be accountable for the money IMO.

Dieseldude4x4

Unless you're in Virginia.

bigfoot

I just can’t keep my mouth shut on this one so may I please have the floor for a moment.

I think it is good that you divorced dads have a place to vent, but the thing that all of you need to keep in mind is this.
Your money is going to your kid by a round about way. You give the money to the court, the court gives it to your ex, and your ex gives the money to the landlord / mortgage company (this is so your kid is not living under a bridge). Your ex gives the money to the grocery store (so your kid is not hungry). She also pays the car payment (so your kid can get to and from school, soccer practice, church ect...) the car maybe new or used but it is still necessary. I’m sure that if you stop and think you can start to see the picture.

I hope that I do not start a flame war here it’s just that it seems that most of you are not thinking that the most important thing is the kid, not that the money is not being spent the way you want. If she is not taking proper care of your child then file for custody. But make sure that she really is not doing right and that it is just not your opinion.
Ok I’m off my soap box.

For me to type this it is real challenges (I don’t type very fast) so if something does not sound just right then please try to read between the lines and give me break. I will apologize in advance to the ones that I have offended.

mcoleman

Are you paying $700.00 a month or more of your money out in child support payments? I am. That's a lot of money to give someone without stipulation on what they can do with it. And I know alot of cases where the money is mis-spent.

Chrisreyn

I am not paying ( anymore) but did for 20 years... adn watched the money being spent on "mom's new stereo and TV" while I also had to pay for his school lunches, books, clothes etc etc.. Like mom paying for her oldest sons senior trip to Cozumel while MY son was on the school role subsidized lunches... i was paying her $1200 a month at the time and she wasnt working( why should she?).. guess where the money I was sending for my son was going? and guess what, in most states, that isnt reason to file for custody, not by a long shot.. the courts WILL tell you that how she spends the money is HER bussiness, not yours, you just pay it. I know this for a fact. and it cost me almost 5K in lawyers and court fees to find out. In KS the mother has to inflict " grave and seriuos bodily harm" before the stae social services will recommend removing the child... neglect is handled by "parenting classes"....
You get the picture? I am sure you can understand that many may find it slightly annoyying that while we are paying "our share" , we also have to pick up the slack for mom or our kid does without...often without us knowing until its been going on awhile.

in other words you sound very much as if you have no "first hand experience "at this, to put it politley...

Ok done with my rant.....

Gotlift01

Like I said before....I know she takes care of my kid and that's not the issue. The issue is that they money I give her is not really going to my child, if she were to have kept the car that I GAVE her free and clear than I wouldn't be so upset. Granted she needs a car to get him around.......but she had one completely paid off and she just had to go get a new one, to me that's BS! That is not taking care of my kid, that's just being plain greedy and stupid!

But when she comes to me on a weekly basis asking for me to pay ALL of his medical bills and other stuff because she can't afford it is the part where I get furious. The reason she doesn't have the money to pay is because she just had to go buy a new car........and therefore she doesn't have any money to pay his stuff. So far this year I've had to pay for his swimming lessons, tae-kwando ( SP? ) lessons, all medical bills, money for his schooling, shoes, and other misc. stuff. This type of stuff is what the child support is supposed to be used for....but it isn't.....it all comes out of my pocket on top of what I pay her per month.

I get this phone call about a month ago from collections saying that I owe almost $1,500 dollars for the hospital that is way overdue. ( Our agreement was that I provide the health insurance, and she will pay the bills ). So I call my ex and she tells me that she set up a payment plan because she couldn't pay the bills and she was giving them $20.00 a month because that was all she could afford. WHY? Where is all of my money going? So to avoid having my credit dinged I had to pay them off in full.

Now she does work.....and she actually has a pretty decent paying job, so why in the world am I having to pay all of this stuff on top of what I already give her? She pays NO rent, no utilities......just her credit cards, cell phone, and the new car payment. Her boyfriend pays the rest. So to me it seems like she should have a decent amount of money left over per month. Granted she buys grocery's to feed him and a few other things......but my kid doesn't eat almost $600 dollars worth of food every month.

Most cases in a round about way, the money does find it's way to the kid somehow....but in my case it's not. If it was I wouldn't have to be paying for EVERYTHING for him. I pay it all with no hesitation because he is my son and I will do anything for him.....but his mom needs to get her head on straight and take care of her end of the deal too! Everything was supposed to be split 50/50.....so far it's 85/15. I've gone to the courts and asked them to reduce my child support because of all the extra stuff I am having to pay for, I even took them ALL reciepts of what I have spent so far. They told me that the child support stays the same and that I need to work that out with her.....there is nothing they can do or will do!

Ok sorry guys I had to vent...........I'M DONE! I should quit reading this thread...it gets me fired up everytime I do SORRY!


~Nick

Jeremy Cusick

I didn't get custody yesterday, yet I still have the boys. Turns out, when we got in court her atty basically quit. He had her sign forms releasing him from representing her. Probably has something to do w/ all the stuff she's pulled, not to mention the fact that she has a recent theft charge against her from the same night her boyfriend was arrested and charged w/ a class 2 felony (loaded pistol, no case, no gun card). My atty told me that this can actually play to my advantage, because I'll have yet another month before we go back to court (she has 21 days to get a new atty), plus, she's gonna have a very hard time finding an atty willing to represent her, due to her criminal record and her trying to steal the kids from school.
WHat burns me, is that this was a petition for emergency temporary custody... been trying to get it for over 2 months (3 months once we get back to court), and I have to keep the boys at my side at all times to keep her from making a "****** and run". That means yet another month of not being able to get a job!!! I'd been unable to work for 2 years prior to this due to a back injury, and now that it has healed, I still can't work because of her delay tactics. About to drive me nuts... I'm ready for all this to be over and get a job again... I miss working!!!

Gotlift01

Sorry to hear that buddy! Hopefully it will all work out for you in the end and you'll get the full custody. It really sucks they are making you wait another month though......



~Nick

CASMOKIN

Time to chime in, Ill try to keep this brief as even thinking about this stuff makes me want to crack.

Im going through a divorce and custody battle as we speak. skynard and anybody else wanting full, partial or shared custody , get on the ball Now! The courts have a thing called "status quo" Meaning, if your child has been living with the mother alone(and youve been a every other weekend daddy) then they will automaticly favor the current living situation. This is a looooong uphill battle, and an expensive one at that. I have been fighting for shared custody for the last six months and easily have another six to go. Short of proving that your X is a crackhead, the chips will contimue to stack againts you.

I have been through three attorneys, and over $ 10K since Oct. It is in your X's best interest to drag things out, which by the way is very easy to do in our legal system. Record Keeping is KEY! My only form of communication with my X is through email. This way everything is documented. No cell, no verbal period.

Custody = Money. The more custody, the more money every month.

Skynard, get an attorney. It is illegal for your X to keep you from seeing your child. Whether you pay support or not. Get a court order that defines visitation. Untill you do, youll have problems. If you dont, the day will come when your infront of a judge seeking custody, your X can say that youve made no attempt to see your child. It will be your word againts hers, she will win. With a court order, you have some ammo.

And yes I pay close to $900.00 per month so my X can sit on her butt unemployed, while she lives rent free with her dad making everyone feel sorry for her.

Sorry for the rant.

Im out

Jeremy Cusick

As of friday, it's been 18 days since my soon to be ex has called or came by to see the boys. I'm sorry, but I feel that if she truly cared about our kids, she'd make more of an effort to come see them, instead of trying to grab them from school... or at least call them!
And when she does come to see them, she stays anywhere between 5 minutes to 1/2 hr...