Shovelhead

Saw this awhile ago, some of the stuff about Wranglers reminded me of this one.<br><br><br><br>10 Simple Rules for:<br>Dating My Daughter<br><br>Rule One:<br><br>If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering<br>a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.<br><br>Rule Two:<br><br>You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at<br>her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If <br>you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I <br>will remove them.<br><br>Rule Three:<br><br>I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age<br>to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling<br>off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and <br>all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair<br>and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise:<br>You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your <br>pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order<br>to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the<br>course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric <br>nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.<br><br>Rule Four:<br><br>I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without<br>utilizing a &quot;barrier method&quot; of some kind can kill you. Let me<br>elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will <br>kill you.<br><br>Rule Five:<br><br>It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know <br>each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other<br>issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information<br>I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have<br>my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need<br>from you on this subject is &quot;early.&quot;<br><br>Rule Six:<br><br>I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities<br>to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay<br>with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little<br>girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is<br>finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.<br><br>Rule Seven:<br><br>As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,<br>and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you<br>want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My<br>daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer<br>than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing<br>there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil<br>in my car?<br><br>Rule Eight:<br><br>The following places are not appropriate for a date with my<br>daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer <br>than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen,<br>or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places<br>where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places<br>where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter<br>to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other<br>than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to<br>her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are<br>to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey<br>games are okay. Old folks homes are better.<br><br>Rule Nine:<br><br>Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle-aged,<br>dimwit. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-<br>knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where<br>you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the<br>truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun,<br>a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.<br><br>Rule Ten:<br><br>Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to<br>mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper<br>coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange<br>starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to<br>clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.<br>As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your <br>car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter <br>password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my<br>daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - <br>there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged<br>face at the window is mine.<br><br>

Shovelhead

Know whacha mean CH.<br>My &quot;little girls&quot; are 27, and 22. ;D <br>My little boy is 21. 8)

Shovelhead

My 27 yr old is already married, and my first grand-daughter will be 1 yr old on Nov 27. ;D

My 22 yr old is dating a guy who's a year away from finishing his post grad work to become a dentist. ;D

PS- He was given a copy of the &quot;Ten Rules for Dating My Daughter&quot;.

cr1998

My girls are 15 and 11. Gotta go get those rules posted at the house. <br><br>CR

95ramtough

That is awesome! I am a 19 yo guy but totally agree with it. I don't want to have a daughter, I don't think I could handle the stress! haha <br><br>Nice Post

Shovelhead

That's OK CH, She doesn't like my &quot;Noisy, Smelly truck&quot; anyway.
She likes Wifey's Landcruiser better..............Where did I go wrong? :'(
Dang Yuppies

NWDave

I forwarded a copy of your rules to my 30 year old daughter. Her response was, she knew it, she knew it. 15 years ago, she knew I had gotten instructions from someone. I told her it was a natural reaction and learned from the day she was born. I, of course, pleaded the pleas of all innocent fathers, but of course, she didn't believe me. <br><br>C.H. As you already know, there isn't one single boy or young punk kid out there good enough for your precious daughter. Believe me. I know. Now all you have to do is educate all the young boys who come calling. It gets easier after the first one runs terrified down the street as you sit in the living room, cleaning your shotgun, growling under your breath about how disrespectful boys seem to be nowadays. <br><br>~Dave

Dieseldude4x4

Only one kid. He's going on 20 and I got him a job here at the plant to start out.

DeaconWayne

My daughter will be 19 in March. She had 1 simple rule - I get to mee and talk with each of the boys. One rule I told them: What you do to my daughter, I'm going to do to you!

dodgeman01

I must have missed this on but I have to say ROTFLMAO that is funny. my side is still hurtin. <br>DM01

GrandpasRam

Both boys grown, but two granddaughters: 9 and 3. Still will enforce the one rule: What you do to my granddaughters I will do to you. &gt; &gt; Yes, they grow up faster than you can keep up with! :-[